GUILTY

We've all watched as the defense painted Travis Alexander as a monster for over four months. We have all vented our frustration as we watched an injustice imposed on a dead man as it played out on a world stage. We shouted our, "Amen's", as Juan Martinez wrapped up his closing arguments. He brought Travis to that courtroom through his own words. Juan gave a voice to a dead man and his voice was loud and clear.

When verdict watch started I didn't know what to expect. I don't watch trials. I remember hearing the Casey Anthony verdict and saw the shock that came with it, but I didn't know the case well. I knew enough to think she should be in jail. I didn't want to get emotionally invested in a case when our justice system seems to fail on a regular basis and victims are made victims twice through unsubstantiated claims and allegations. But, I did. I didn't expect the emotions I would experience once the jury had the case.

I stayed glued to my TV, iPhone, or satellite radio. Monday and Tuesday passed and I silently began to lose faith. I had watched the legal analysts on HLN and heard reasons to be optimistic and also heard reasons to be nervous. Maybe a juror or two had some sympathy for Jodi. It happens. What seems cut and dry to us may not be so obvious to the 12 people on that jury. The subconscious is a strange thing. Did someone feel connected to her without really being aware of that? I worried the older jurors may not understand the phone sex tapes. While it's very common among younger people, the older jurors were raised in a different era. I worried that someone would find it offensive and hold that against Travis in spite of the fact it was consensual, encouraged, and deceitful on the part of Jodi obviously taping without his knowledge. I second guessed everything. Time was ticking. Two days passed with the jury packing up and going home.

When I woke up on Wednesday, I had a feeling. I read on Twitter that nobody was dressed any different and it seemed business as usual. That in one sense made me think we would be going to the next phase and the jury would be unable to talk to the media so there was no reason to doll up. But all in all I had a gut feeling that Wednesday was the day. I was picking up my older kids from school around 2:30. We were chatting as they were getting into the car when I caught, the words "Have a verdict". Like any good mother would do, I shushed the kids and it was repeated. 4:30 was the time we would learn if justice for Travis would be delivered or if we would cut the TV off wondering how in the heck a jury couldn't see what we all see.

I filled the time gap glued to HLN and playing with my children. I watched as the crowd outside the court grew to massive amounts, a true testament to how Travis's story has touched so many lives and how so many people were there to hear that justice had been served after a series of letdowns from juries past. We heard the shouts of, "Justice for Travis". We felt the tension from the comforts of our own homes, work, car, or wherever you found yourself during this waiting period. I don't think any of us knew for sure what we would hear.

We hear that the families and media were beginning to trickle into the court room. We waited again. Where was Jodi? Was she having a migraine? Was she having a panic attack? Finally, we heard those words that seemed so routine until now: "Please stand for the jury". My heart pounded. My eyes were glued to the TV and my ears felt like they were standing up like a dog's when it is on heightened alert.

The verdict began. It seemed to take 5 minutes to read the obligatory words that precede the actual one or two words that would end four months of the unknown. GUILTY. I heard the gasps from Travis's sister. I saw Jodi, who for once, looked lost and confused. I closed my eyes and said, "Finally Travis, you can now rest in peace". The jurors of Maricopa County have prevailed and restored the faith of many regarding the justice system.

I am so grateful that I have never had to lose a loved one in this manner. When you know someone is going to die you have time to mentally prepare yourself for when that moment comes. Even then, it's still somewhat of a shock when a death occurs. An accident would be harder for me to deal with. It's hard to comprehend that someone was there and all of a sudden they aren't. I think that the murder of a loved one would be the absolute worst way to lose someone. An accident, while tragic and sudden, is more comprehensible that knowing someone deliberately took your loved one. In this case, his family has had to relive his death for 4 months in a packed courtroom while the world watched. They saw the photos. They've heard how he suffered in the last moments of his life. I don't know how they have been able to remain so composed outwardly while we all know that inside they are being ripped apart. 

The saddest part of all of this is while justice was served for Travis and his family, this will never provide closure for them. This ends the 5-year nightmare that is Jodi Arias. This ends the 5-year worry of her possibly getting out of jail or getting a lesser sentence that doesn't account for her actions and the manner in which their loved one died. There will always be an empty seat at family gatherings. They will never be able to call Travis up to share good news, shoot the breeze, or get some encouragement. They will never see Travis marry a woman he loves. They will never see Travis holding his firstborn child. While Travis's spirit, character, and the lessons he shared with us will live on, life must go on for his family and friends without him. It's a void no other person can fill. It's a pain that will not subside. 

In time, Jodi Arias will become a distant memory for us until the random news article or news blurb pops up over the years. We will remember Travis. We remember the words from his motivational blogs, remember the stories his friends and family have shared with us about how he was a "Salt of the earth" guy, we will remember that no matter what life has thrown at us, we can still overcome and improve ourselves every day we are fortunate enough to wake up. Most of us have made friends on Facebook sites or Twitter that we would have never met otherwise. I think Travis would like that. 

(Photo used from Twitter. It was widely shared so thank you to whomever created it).

-GiGi